


get out of me swamp

by falsettodrop



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: (don’t judge me people this was a very therapeutic exercise), F/M, Inspired by Shrek (Movies), Shrek is Love Shrek is Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-10-19 07:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsettodrop/pseuds/falsettodrop
Summary: He felt like he was in a fever dream.[EDIT (February 8th, 2019): hello, hi, yes, it was me that posted this. Sometimes I get into ~moods, what can I say. Don’t judge how I have fun. I’ve decided to claim this now because why not. I’ve also back-dated it. Enjoy if you come across this; absurdity ahead.]





	get out of me swamp

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not drunk, I swear. (I’m also not janizms on Tumblr, but I was definitely inspired by her post. This is my love letter to you, bb.)
> 
> Some line credits inevitably go to the _Shrek (2001)_ film.

Scott, known as Shrek by his closest friends, was walking back to his place on one dark night. His crocs were getting muddy from the ground and it felt slightly disgusting, but it was the life he had to live now that he lived in Florida part-time. It was hell, and Florida was a bizarre state, but he liked his privacy more than anything and people barely knew him here.

It was the price he paid in exchange for solace.

It was when he reached the top of the hill that he suddenly came to a stop. Because below him there were fifty random women of various ages, all doing different activities. Some were trying to put up a banner on his house, some were jumping around as they watched a figure skating performance on a flimsy projector screen, and he was pretty sure some women were having an orgy behind a tree.

He felt like he was in a fever dream. What the fuck were these crazy people doing _here_ , of all places? He had come to stay in Florida for _privacy_.

In his confused state, he realized that the influx of people were all wearing defaced VirtueMoir memorabilia.

So, they were crazy stalker fans. _Fucking hell._

He marched toward his home, enraged that these women were infiltrating his life once again.

“ _WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?_ ” he screeched, so loudly that it echoed in the dead of the night.

The ladies stopped what they were doing. The ones having the orgy behind the tree quickly attempted to put their clothes back on. The ones holding the ‘Tessa and Scott’ banner with the broken heart drawn on it hastily shoved the item behind them as if he hadn’t already seen it.

“Well?” Scott said angrily, waiting for someone to explain themselves.

Some of the girls shoved a woman forward, someone who was dressed in a blazer. She looked like a law student. “We’re here to tell you that we support you, Scott,” the woman told him. She had crazy eyes. “You don’t deserve anything that cunt did to you.”

“What?” Scott asked, eerily calm.

“That cunt,” she continued. “The bitch who needs God. You deserve better!”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“We know what she did to you. She’s a bad person and we’re here to reclaim your good name! Fuck the non-believers, we’re leading the new age movement!”

Ugh, these people and their crazy stories. What shit were they making up about him and Tessa this time?

“GOD,” he yelled, frustrated beyond belief. He felt like he was slowly on the verge of losing his mind, and this had tipped him over the edge. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU? WE AREN’T BAD PEOPLE; WE’RE LIKE ONIONS. WE HAVE LAYERS.”

“But—but—! My sources said—!” the pathetic girl stuttered, attempting to explain herself.

“You’re all fucking obsessive stalkers!” he cried out.

Finally, he lost it. He stomped his feet dramatically and walked over to the alligator cage that he had at the side of his place. He placed his hand on the lock and turned it, opening the door of the cage and letting the alligator out.

The girls began shrieking, terrified that the alligator would eat them. It was chaos.

 _Good_ , Scott thought. _If they get eaten, it’s what they deserve_.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore, and bellowed for everyone to hear: “ _GET OUT OF ME SWAMP_.”

 

  
**THE END**.

**Author's Note:**

> [Drops mic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTuCoM1VVlA).


End file.
